(Officially) Coming Out part 2??
Since coming to terms with my gender identity and navigating life and interactions as a trans person, I neglected to acknowledge my sexuality, as it wasn’t really a prominent aspect of my identity at that time. For as long as I can remember, my attraction for guys has (at least to me) been far stronger than my attraction towards girls, but I was young, so I payed little attention to that. Though I was aware of this distinction, it didn’t play a role in my life until a about yearish ago.
At this point, I had been out as trans and living exclusively as Landon for nearly two years. The way (most) everyone viewed me and I viewed myself, was that I was just another guy, and I felt almost as if I was obligated to feel attracted to girls in order to receive total validation by others as my true self.
Accepting that the attraction simply wasn’t innate, was quite difficult for me to fully embrace and acknowledge. At first, in exploring my sexuality, I came to a compromise and identified as pan for a while, then later, as queer; a way of holding onto what I felt was the little “normalcy” that remained in my life. I already felt so alienated and like a spectacle of everyone’s ignorance and invasive curiosity. Imagining how my orientation would only add to that resulted in suppressing the way I felt.
Yet I was beyond wrong.
I am a proud, gay, transgender boy.
It’s unfathomably refreshing to be able to say that confidently and reassured, especially as a very special person in my life has allowed me to truly grasp and become comfortable with admitting this not only to myself, but to others as well.
To those in a similar position that I was, know that it is okay to take time. You shouldn’t have to obligatorily falsely identify yourself for the sake of conforming to societal expectations and binaries. You, are nobody other than yourself, and there is nothing about you that excludes you from being worthy/deserving of love, respect, validation, and the promise of safety.
Love authentically; love with pride; love as you come; love as you are.