I’ve lost weight recently. The loss happened naturally. It wasn’t planned. I didn’t diet. It just was my body naturally reacting to a new environment and my changing needs. I have struggled with this change A LOT. When you live life publicly as a fat girl and are attacked daily for simply wearing a smile instead pushing whatever diet the world thinks you should be on, “weight loss” begins to have this weird negative connotation. But now I’ve lost weight, I’ve felt conflicted. I’ve seen people cheer me on. I’ve also see people still shame me for not working out or eating too much- statements ironic now that I am unexplainably losing weight. It took me awhile to realise that my incredible amount of self-evaluation as a result of a change of a few numbers on the scale is the exact problem. This energy centred around my weight and it’s fluctuation was taking focus away from who I really was. And that folks is how they get you. They take the precious time we should devote to making ourselves the best we can and instead push us to evaluate waistlines- our own and the strangers around us. So they can sell us things. Things we don’t want. Things we only need because someone found a way speak to beautiful women in a way that makes them feel ugly.